Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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