Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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