I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
