I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's never too late to be topless.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
