hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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