i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
