Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
