well I can't set my house on fire every night
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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