ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
