Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
