I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
