i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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