Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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