Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
