my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
