you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
