i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
