tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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