your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
