Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
