no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
