Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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