i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
