I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
