according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
