Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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