i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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