I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
