I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
