Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
