sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
