In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
