Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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