ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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