Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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