does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
