Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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