So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
