My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
