just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
