May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
