The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
