you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
