chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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