When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
