:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
