Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
