Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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