Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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