I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
