So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
