woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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