My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize