What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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