Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
