im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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