accomplished twins. life is a go
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
