The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
