just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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