I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
