I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
