1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
