Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
