Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
