I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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