You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
