but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
