Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
