I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
