I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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