the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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