Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
