i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
