she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
