Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What a dumb baby whore.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
