there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
